


Pretending

by caz251



Category: NCIS
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 18:39:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6670060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caz251/pseuds/caz251
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leon hadn't realised how hard pretending everything was okay really was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretending

**Author's Note:**

> Written for badly-knitted's prompt at fic promptly Any, Any, Pretending that everything will be okay.

Leon Vance had done undercover work in the past, but this was the hardest facade he had ever had to adopt. He wondered idly if it was as hard for his agents in the Office of Special Projects every time they had to adopt a new cover or persona, and then brushed the thought away angrily, it didn’t matter.

He apparently had a good poker face, he had played against the heads of the other federal agencies several times in the past, but he was sure that all his tells were displayed on his face today. He was trying his hardest to act and pretend that everything was going to be okay, but inside he knew he was lying to the world, to his children, to himself. Nothing would ever be okay again, not without Jackie.

He had to pretend though, he had to pull himself together, not for himself but for his children. Jared and Kayla had just lost their mum, they didn’t need to lose him to his grief or to his anger. So for today he would pretend that everything will be okay, they would get through the funeral the three of them together.

Tomorrow was another day, he could take stock tomorrow and try to work out how to move forward for the sake of the children. Today though he would make sure that his mask was in place, his face solemn, an arm round the shoulders of each of his children he watched as his wife’s casket was lowered into the ground. He pulled his children closer to him, knowing it was what Jackie would have done if their positions had been reversed and they were standing at his graveside. 

He tried to surround them with as much love as he could, hoping that they realised that it was a genuine love for them and not part of any mask that he was showing the world. Once they were alone in private and they could stop pretending he would make sure they knew that he loved them and try to help them through their grief, showing them his own grief but keeping the anger he felt locked away around them. 

He realised suddenly that he was going to have to keep pretending, at least until his anger receded so as not to scare Jared or Kayla with his anger. He had never realised before today how hard it would be to pretend that everything would be okay while his world collapsed in around him and the kids.


End file.
